7/22/2015 Going Home, Part 2

Aleathia says:

I returned this week from a trip to my hometown to see my Pop and his wife Carol as well as my Meem.  This was the first long trip I have taken with my dear Chloe since she was about 10 years old. It was a fun time in the car playing alternating choices in music. She endured my old folks music and I made it through an entire CD of Pierce the Veil without vomiting. There was some great crossover likes with Green Day, The White Stripes, and The Postal Service. She even sang along to some Aretha Franklin and only looked at me slightly weird when I played The Smiths.  We had time to talk and laugh and just hang out together without the pressures of regular life.  I think we really needed this; I really needed this.

We were supposed to stay at Meem's house, but my Pop really wanted us to stay with him so we chose that option instead.  It was probably for the best because my grandmother has a bit of a hoarding problem and it was evident when I went over there and she answered the door in a sweat and was trying to pick up her space so we could actually walk in the house.  I had feared this would happen, but what can I do when I live 6 hours away?  My mother had helped her originally pare down and keep it down, but over the year and a half she had fallen back to her old ways.  Most of the living spaces were just cluttered, but the kitchen was an atrocity.  Both Chloe and I had to hold back the tears at how our beloved Meem was living.  No 82 year old should have to be like this.

Despite all of this, she looked to be in good health and good spirits for turning 82.  Both Chloe and I jumped right in and started to clean.  This has to be done with a delicate hand when you are working with a hoarder.  They have a strange attachment to things of no personal value.  It has nothing to do with the items as much as it is the blanket that covers them, the hoard keeps them safe from the outside world.  I told her everything I was going to do before I did it.  I asked her advice when making rearrangements and as we went further into the hoard she was more and more willing. It took me 4 hours to redo her pantry which is no bigger than a small walk in closet.  It took me at least 4-6 more hours to do the rest of the cupboards in her kitchen.  When I left, her dishes were clean and all her walk ways were cleared up.  My biggest fear was her falling in the night and no one would ever know it because she doesn't often answer the phone or the door. When we were done, she thanked me for unburying her, for being so kind with her things, and considerate of her unusual collection of empty yogurt cups.  Most of her food was expired and I told her that she needed to be careful before she ate anything.  We would have needed a therapist if we were throwing the food away.

On her 82nd birthday we were going to take her out to dinner, but Pop and Carol suggested we have her over for a cook out.  We made chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, baked beans, salad, potato salad and the neighbor made her a pumpkin birthday cake.  Just a small amount of my Pop's family came along with a few of their neighbors. The weather was perfect.  Meem was so surprised when we came out of the apartment with a candle lit and everyone sang her Happy Birthday. She was unusually outgoing and talkative.  She had a certain glow about her.  When I was walking her to the car to take her home she told me in all her years it was the best birthday party she had ever had. Tears brimmed in my eyes as well as Chloe's and it felt so good to be human and vulnerable and compassionate at that moment.  Meem has been my heart for so long.  Her quiet love and understanding one of the most beautiful things I have ever known.  It was my personal honor that she had such a great night and that this gathering of people gave her a feeling of warmth and confidence.

Chloe and I had plenty of time to spend with Pop and Carol.  We had been working on our relationship for a few years now, but it is different to spend physical time with someone.  I was especially happy that my daughter got to spend time with her grandparents and get to know them as she has not really had the opportunity.  This is my fault in great part and the other part was sometimes distance and time.  I should have made more of an effort and I didn't, but from this step we take another.

There were lots of times of laughter and so many early mornings (6 am is NOT sleeping in!) and good food. I took Chloe to the best hot dog stand I know...Buster's!!

There were walks with the dog and teaching them how to use the computer and beautiful, comfortable silence that only happens with people you love.

Geocaching Horseshoe Falls-DNF

Geocaching Baldwin Park-Yay we found one!

Geocaching Terryville Waterwheel-DNF

Recently, Chloe and I started geocaching.  For those of you not in the know, it is like treasure hunting without treasure.  It is often physically and mentally demanding (especially if you are directionally challenged).  It takes patience and perseverance. When you find it, you feel elated and high and so proud of yourself.  When we don't find the cache we are a bit disappointed but hell if it doesn't make me want to go back.  It is like knowing you are standing next to the red X on the ground and just can't see it.  It makes me feel alive for some reason.  I drag Chloe along even when she doesn't want to because two sets of eyes are better than one and hell if we all couldn't use a little more exercise.

Because of my close proximity to Massachusetts, I was able to meet up with my Forked Road mate, my 555 publisher Joseph Bouthiette Jr.  We had been friends for years on the internet and more than once he has pushed me to write when I thought there was nothing left in the tank.  He was just as fun and quirky in person as he has been online.  He is a man with so much knowledge and drive and has a head full of ideas that often baffle me and move me to explore my own mind.  It was fun to share a dinner experience with him and his lady Kaylee.  My kiddo was even more outgoing than usual and asked him questions.  Normally she sits there like a silent partner.  It was good to see her have a bit more confidence in herself.  It also means Joe was cool as hell to bring this out in her.

We decided in the end to come home early.  It was blistering hot in Connecticut and I missed Michael so much.  I missed my home and my dog and my garden and the view from my sidewalk.  I missed my bed and my routines.  There is nothing like visiting your hometown, but nothing better than going home. There is nothing like having the opportunity to have a place you love so much you can't stand to be away.  I have longed for this my whole life.  I finally have it.  I feel like a million bucks.  I feel blessed as hell.

Let's Go Somewhere-9/9/2014 Black Rock State Park

Aleathia says:

My intention today was to start a three part series on Sonneberg Gardens in Canandaiguia, NY, but life has a way of mucking things up.  I will start that for next week.  This week as the summer starts to fade I have been thinking of my mother and my pop.  From both of them I have gotten a love for the solitude of the woods and an appreciation for nature.

As a child I used to go walking in Black Rock State Park in Connecticut with my pop.  I remember one year we went to pick fiddle heads in the woods.  For those of you who don't know what they are you have been left out on something fun.  Fiddle heads are what my Meme would call the ferns before they unfurl.  If you pick them in this stage you can boil them and eat them.  I remember going into the forest with my Pop picking these tightly curled edibles and throwing them in a black garbage bag.  If my young memory serves me right there were lots of people in the woods that day doing the same.  It was the best game of I spy a kid could have.  The goal was to spot as many fiddle heads as possible.  These moments in the woods with my Pop were  often silent save information about what was found on the forest floor or about how early people walked the woods undetected.

I remember bringing a big bag of the curled ferns home to Meme and feeling proud as if I were responsible for feeding our family and friends.  This feeling never left me...that sense of nurture and dedication to meet goals and I am thankful for that.  Who would have thought a valuable life lesson would have been obtained picking ferns?  I remember the smell of those fiddle heads boiling.  It was noxious.  I know now that the smell is similar to asparagus with a touch of boiled spinach.  To a child that is kryptonite for sure....maybe even as an adult.  I appreciated every moment of that day.

I have taken my daughter to Black Rock State Park on several occasions to go fishing with my mother.  It was her favorite place to go besides the Farmington River.  The first year I took my daughter there to fish we learned that she has an insane ability to cast in the same exact place repeatedly.  I took my first cast and launched the pole into the lake.  I had never seen my mother laugh so hard in all her life.  I was truly grateful at that moment for that laugh as it always warmed my heart.  It was a moment that was never lived down, something my daughter remembers as well.  I have since gotten better at fishing (ahem).

In January, when my mother  passed, she did not want a funeral.  I never saw her body, didn't feel like I was allowed to, and so I feel as if I never got to really say goodbye.  I had to go with the idea that she was just dead and that was that.  I won't get that moment back, ever.

So, before I left Connecticut I asked my Pop to come with me to Black Rock State Park to say goodbye to her in a place that I know her spirit will linger.  She loved that park, loved fishing there, and loved nature in general.  The lake was iced over and my Pop and I stood with our arms around each other looking out across the lake to the dense trees on the other side as the sun started to set.  We both loved her in our own way.  We love this park with all its bounty and memories hidden on trails and in eddys.

If you get the chance to wander around this park you should do it.  You won't regret its beauty.