Sunday, February 12, 2017

Yoga Progress

Aleathia says:

I won't bore you with yoga faces. If you want to see them they are on Instagram. I do however want to say that keeping with this program every day, no matter how hard it might be for me personally and physically, has been fruitful. I feel taller and leaner and more focused. My back has not felt this great in years and I feel more present in each day. The affirmations with each practice seem to be in line with what I need each day to build myself back up after the last  few years. All of this unchecked grief, anger, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, and isolation have done a number on me and I am sure altered my relationships with the people I love the most. None of it has been their fault. I have been disconnected from just about everything and hide in my sewing room making things and watching Netflix instead of being social. I am working on it.

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I suggest trying Yoga with Adriene and doing Yoga Camp. The sessions are anywhere from 17-54 minutes depending on the affirmation of the day. It will do you good, trust me. It isn't as hard to find the time as you might think. Once you get to the mat, it is all gravy after that. The best part is she is the funniest yoga instructor I have ever encountered. She wants you to listen to your body and do what feels good. That is the amazing part. She gives you options for whatever stage of yoga you are at so that everyone can be included.

After 8 days I have lost 4 pounds and my clothes are fitting better. I can't argue with that.

Aleathia

Monday, February 6, 2017

Yoga Camp Day 2 and Day 3

Aleathia says:

I'm pretty excited that I have made it three consecutive days to the mat. I am usually pretty gung ho about starting things and not so great about finishing. I have a bit the complacent/lazy gene if things don't seem to be moving along as I would like. I have enlisted the help of my friend Annette who is going on this journey with me. Sometimes things are better with buddies.


Yoga Day 2 had the affirmation of "I Create" and in good fashion the instructor left it up to each student to decide what exactly they wanted to create for themselves at that moment, in that practice. I decided that I needed to create space. All of my muscles are bunched together and I have felt really buried and closed in lately. Thinking about wide open space was the right choice. 

This practice was a longer one lasting about an hour. It was full of forward bends and side twists and activating abdominal muscles. When a person is grossly overweight in the abdominal area and has had rheumatoid arthritis since 16, doing forward bends is akin to having your spin ripped out and putting your abdominal rolls in a vice. It made me very sweaty and I felt emotionally challenged that I had let myself go this long. I discovered muscles I forgot I had and ones that I wished had remained anonymous. But when I was done I was warm and felt taller and accomplished.



Yoga Camp Day 3 put forth the affirmation of "I Embrace". Thinking about all the unrest that is happening at work and how painful it is to go there most nights because of clashing personalities, I decided to embrace loving-kindness.  The idea of loving-kindness is very prevalent in Buddhism and it is something I try to work on all the time. I don't always succeed, but I do try to bring it to each day. I don't believe I have ever thought about embracing loving-kindness while doing a yoga practice and being present with that idea that I will not only embrace it for other people but embrace it for myself. I am often my own worst enemy in this life.

After three days of yoga and affirmations, I have found that I feel lighter in spirit. My muscles feel longer and the subtle soreness in the core and shoulders linger to give a gentle reminder of what I am out to achieve. I know I haven't lost any weight, but I feel skinnier. Sometimes lifting that barrier in the mind is more powerful that we can understand while it is happening. I am not sure what I will feel like at the end of this journey, but for now, I feel great.

Thanks Annette for going on this journey with me even though we are practicing in different places at different times. I keep your friendship with me as I'm moving through poses I think I can't do.

Aleathia


Saturday, February 4, 2017

Today I Start the Journey of Me

Aleathia says:

It sounds cliche, right? The Journey of Me. I'm so important. Pffft. This has been the problem my whole life is that I have never felt important at all. I have felt as if my contribution to the world was invisible to everyone but me. And then, if I felt I had done something important noticing it and giving myself credit brought on a cycle of guilt.

How does one get to this place in life? I surely didn't ask to be here and most of the people I surround myself with in present time do not perpetuate this behavior. The line "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" comes to mind. That is my first thought of myself. Old dog. I know my early environment was rocky living all over the country, never setting roots, having parents who drank too much or partied too much. It makes a kid grow up early and forget how beautiful the freedom of loving yourself can feel.

It was a long work night last night and I have not physically felt well. Drained, tired, apathetic, bloated, overweight, and unsure of the future. It is the recipe of stress. I woke this afternoon feeling like I wanted to cry. Do I really have to get up? I got up to an empty house and felt more alone than ever. February is the longest month when you feel like this. I went to the sewing room with plans of getting a few hours of sewing in before work. I fixed a few items that were already purchased, but then the sewing machine stopped talking to me. I just sat there staring at it.

On my phone was playing a strange video string that I picked up on Reddit of some Australian guy with dating tips. I thought about what a racket it was because this dude was hot and what chick wouldn't want to go to a several hour seminar and stare at a hot guy telling them how to pick up hot guys? Come on ladies. But I am a sucker for an accent and watched a few minutes. The baseline of some of the things he said was true, but it still felt like a ruse. This strangely lead into looking up yoga videos. This is how my mind works folks. Hang on.

I love yoga. I don't do it enough and it is as if I am denying myself the physical pleasure of truly relaxing and letting go. It is as if I just can't stand the thought of feeling good in my own body. The more fat you have the more insulated you are to take insults or pain or stress or tragedy. The thicker you are the least amount of people can get to you; they build an aversion to you. I sit here writing this and think that is the saddest thing I have ever said about myself. So, I looked for a yoga video...something short and not too shaming.

Day One of Yoga Camp with Adriene. Such a cute, tiny little lady and I was prepared to feel a bit too fat and a bit to ugly, but this lady was lovely. She asked me to trust her. What? I don't know you, I thought. She said today you are going to accept where your body is right now, at this moment. Yeah, fat and stiff and old. Trust me she said. Close your eyes. But, I'm watching your video. Close your eyes and breathe. Remember to let go of all the things holding your body in places it doesn't want to be. Breathe. Trust me. Accept where you are right now and know that you deserve to be there.



30 minutes later I am lying on the floor in savasana smiling....feeling beautiful, feeling happy I trusted this skinny girl with the big heart and the creaky wooden floor beneath her. I realized in that moment that I am so full of judgement not just about other people but about myself. It is so easy to do and so hard to take back. Today, I start the journey of me. Who is Aleathia? What does she stand for? Will she love herself more at the end of each day? I sure hope so.

Aleathia