This week in Nurse's week. I usually don't fall into much ado about it, but maybe I should. In July, it will mark my 12th year as a nurse. Two years on the surgical floor and 10 years in the ER. All of these years have been spent working the night shift.
Night nurses are a different breed. They are headstrong, opinionated, insane, hard-working, bare bones-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, take action, tell it like it is nurses. They are full of compassion too, but above all they want what is right for you whether it is what you want to hear or not. Healthcare isn't the drive-up at McDonald's. What you want isn't always good for you. If you come in at night, be prepared for the truth without sugar coating.
I have a wonderful team of nurses that I work with. Some of them I have known my whole career and some just a few years, but in this span of time they have taught me so much about my job, about people, about healthcare, and about myself. There isn't another group of people I would rather work with. We save lives together. We cry together. We laugh together. We are delirious together. And somehow, we don't judge each other in these states. The job is hard emotionally, physically, and mentally. We spend long shifts away from our families. We miss games and concerts and holidays. Our families always miss us, but we come to work each day hoping to make a difference.
In my career so far, I have helped thousands of people, most of which will never remember me. This is ok. I didn't become a nurse to be famous or recognized. In my career, I have seen three children die and helped deliver a baby in the parking lot. These are the deepest scars and joys of my life. They can still make me cry just thinking about them, so I don't. But these wounds were never suffered alone. We suffered as a team. We held each other silently as we toughened our exteriors a little more.
On this Nurse's Day, I wanted to thank all the wonderful men and women I work with. We are a team. We are a family. I am not sure I thank you all enough for everything that you do, but know that I would have never made it this far without your love and support and knowledge. My ER group are some of the most intelligent, hard-working people I have ever met. They do me proud every day.
Happy Nurse's Day. I love you all.
Now for Mother's Day.
This will be the 3rd year without my mother and it is the one that hurts the worst. It took me several years to stop being angry over her death....to stop blaming her and hating her. There was so much unfinished business between us, so many things I wanted to share. I simply wasn't ready. I am not sure anyone ever is, but it was poof and she was gone.
I miss hearing her voice and her laugh. I miss her smile. I miss hearing her call me "Sweet Pea".
Today, Chloe and I planted our first tomatoes. Both my mother and my father loved to grow them and this year we honor them with their planting. Chloe loved to garden with my mother. It is by far her most favorite memories of her and for this, I am so glad.
To all my friends who are mothers:
Thank you for being brave every day. Thank you for raising good, nice, honest, intelligent children. I honestly believe their future starts in our hands. We have to be good examples and I see all the wonderful work you are doing and it makes me smile.
To myself:
Go easy on yourself. You are doing a good job. You aren't perfect and that is a great thing to show your daughter. Keep loving her even if she seems like she doesn't want you too. Keep being tough in all the right places and soft in all the right places. Show her the world. Keep telling her the truth. Pat yourself on the back for finally giving her the life you always dreamed you could have yourself. Remember to let her be herself. Remember to let her fail and be there to tell her she will get it right next time. Cherish all moments.
Happy Mother's Day.
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