The Reset Button

Aleathia says:

I had the pleasure of camping with my friend Annette this week. She is a wonderful woman who brings out some great qualities in me and helps me to stay true to the important things in my life like yoga, meditation, a good diet, tea, and being aware of the world around me. Earlier in the summer we took a road trip together...13 hours on the road each way and not once did we want to kill each other. That is a good traveling partner.

Life has been stressful in the last few months and the both of us are settling into defining how we want to live life right now and learning what our dreams hold for the future. On a whim I had asked her if she wanted to go camping for a few days and she was excited to. Neither of us had camped in a long time and a nature reset was just what we needed.

Annette is a raw vegan. I am a swarthy meat eater. We get along because we don't make it political. It is just life choices. I decided that this trip I would eat her diet for several reasons. I was having stomach trouble and eating raw meant that I didn't have to bring the usual 10 tubs of cooking gear to manage outdoor meal time. I was leery about whether or not I would feel like I was starving, but even with over 25 miles of walking and hiking, I wasn't weak or dizzy once. This really showed me what my body is made of and what it can do with different kinds of fuel.

Now this wasn't a teetotaler sort of trip. We drank rum like it was going out of style and indulged in some fancy s'mores. We had deep conversations as we walked and drank. We laughed by the fire and even had some tears. We looked at stars and waterfalls and everything green. What we did was get to know each other outside of work just a little better.

In the mornings, we did yoga by the waterfall. This was an other worldly experience to have such a connection with nature and do our individual practices. The sound of rushing water like a mantra that spoke to us in different ways.

We made a dedication to hike the entire gorge loop starting with the Gorge Trail  up to Lucifer Falls and back down on the Rim Trail which overlooks the lower falls. This hike was full of steep elevations and crazy sets of stairs. One false move and over the cliff you could go to a most certain sort of death. We met so many people along the way each of them in different stages of physical health and hiking ability. The great thing was that both Annette and I have the same hiking pace. What a rare happening to find a hiking partner on the first try!

When we reached the bridge to the Rim Trail I had doubts as to whether or not I wanted to climb more stairs to Lucifer Falls. I was getting tired, my hips were hurting, and I was feeling a little defeated. I said fuck it and up we went. If I didn't get to the top I would have regretted it greatly. Once up there we looked at the falls and had a snack. We rested for about 20 minutes and then I felt great again. We made our way down the other side of the gorge and what a glorious feeling to breech that last gate and know that you've accomplished something you had tried to do several times before but could not.

This camping trip was good for the soul. It truly was a reset button for me. It has given me new direction in my life and a more positive perspective about my future and all the dreams it holds. Always reach for the distance. It's so beautiful when you get there.

OM-7/13/2014 Spiritual Recovery Through Love

Aleathia says:

Yesterday I was talking to my boss about the move to our new hospital and how hard it has been on everyone's families, and how glad they will all be to get things "back to normal".  Somehow we got on the subject of gastric bypass and how someone who had gone through this procedure told her she should do it.

First of all, I find that to be seriously rude.  The person should have just come right out and called her fat, because that is the only reason I can think of that a person would suggest this surgery to another.  But who are they to decide if we look fat or not?  People that undergo this procedure for anything other than severe health reasons tend to have body image problems.  Do they feel they can't be loved if they are not a mirror image of the social "norm" or the social expectation?

My boss and I talked about the serious implications of the surgery itself and how the long term effects have not been clearly defined. We have both seen people with metabolic problems, serious stomach issues, absorption problems, and psychological problems that develop after getting skinny doesn't solve their relationship/family/friend/self image problems.  I qualify for this surgery, but I have never entertained the thought of getting it.

My OM moment came when my boss was telling me that her husband had once stood up for her publicly when someone said she had gotten too heavy.  He said that he loved everything about her....her curves, her flaws, her wonders.  That is what love is. We all have flaws and love has been known to add a few handles, but as long as quality of life and health remain good, who is to say we have to be skinny? We were driving back to the old facility to close it down and I thought about how lucky I am as well.

2003 at my heaviest and saddest

Since I was 12 I have been heavier than I would have liked.  I never looked like the other girls and I even had an eating disorder from it.  I hated my body.  I didn't respect it, didn't want to look at it.  I spent many a time crying in front of the mirror feeling like I was being punished. Then Michael came along.  He refused to let me talk bad about myself.  He didn't want to hear it and said the lack of confidence was unbecoming.

It has been a journey over the last 3 years, but for the first time in my life I love myself from top to bottom. This is a miraculous thing for the soul.  It allows the person you really are to shine forth.  It gives time for laughter and contemplation of the world.  It expands ones horizons when you are no longer trapped in your own tiny universe of self-loathing.  Michael gave me the opportunity to grow into the best woman I can be. He loves me, all of me, and I am truly blessed for that.

2014...40 lbs lighter through love and hard work...but mostly love.

Don't let people drag you down.  If you are truly unhappy about what you look like then examine how you got there; explore how you can move up from there.  Gaining weight doesn't happen overnight so don't expect to lose it that way either.  You have to want the change, you'll have to work hard for it, but do it for you and no one else.  You'll thank yourself later.