Yesterday I was talking to my boss about the move to our new hospital and how hard it has been on everyone's families, and how glad they will all be to get things "back to normal". Somehow we got on the subject of gastric bypass and how someone who had gone through this procedure told her she should do it.
First of all, I find that to be seriously rude. The person should have just come right out and called her fat, because that is the only reason I can think of that a person would suggest this surgery to another. But who are they to decide if we look fat or not? People that undergo this procedure for anything other than severe health reasons tend to have body image problems. Do they feel they can't be loved if they are not a mirror image of the social "norm" or the social expectation?
My boss and I talked about the serious implications of the surgery itself and how the long term effects have not been clearly defined. We have both seen people with metabolic problems, serious stomach issues, absorption problems, and psychological problems that develop after getting skinny doesn't solve their relationship/family/friend/self image problems. I qualify for this surgery, but I have never entertained the thought of getting it.
My OM moment came when my boss was telling me that her husband had once stood up for her publicly when someone said she had gotten too heavy. He said that he loved everything about her....her curves, her flaws, her wonders. That is what love is. We all have flaws and love has been known to add a few handles, but as long as quality of life and health remain good, who is to say we have to be skinny? We were driving back to the old facility to close it down and I thought about how lucky I am as well.
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2003 at my heaviest and saddest
Since I was 12 I have been heavier than I would have liked. I never looked like the other girls and I even had an eating disorder from it. I hated my body. I didn't respect it, didn't want to look at it. I spent many a time crying in front of the mirror feeling like I was being punished. Then Michael came along. He refused to let me talk bad about myself. He didn't want to hear it and said the lack of confidence was unbecoming.
It has been a journey over the last 3 years, but for the first time in my life I love myself from top to bottom. This is a miraculous thing for the soul. It allows the person you really are to shine forth. It gives time for laughter and contemplation of the world. It expands ones horizons when you are no longer trapped in your own tiny universe of self-loathing. Michael gave me the opportunity to grow into the best woman I can be. He loves me, all of me, and I am truly blessed for that.
2014...40 lbs lighter through love and hard work...but mostly love.
Don't let people drag you down. If you are truly unhappy about what you look like then examine how you got there; explore how you can move up from there. Gaining weight doesn't happen overnight so don't expect to lose it that way either. You have to want the change, you'll have to work hard for it, but do it for you and no one else. You'll thank yourself later.
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