2018 in Review

Aleathia says:

Here were the highlights of 2018 in no particular order:

Started making more fabric art and having ideas about it. Became determined that someday I would have my own show.

I tried bullet journaling and failed,but did have some cute take away ideas

Read books:

The Princess Bride by William Goldman
The Shell Collector by Anthony Doerr
Mouthful of Forevers by Clementine Von Radics
Walking by Henry David Thoreau
A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
Taking the Leap by Pema Chodron
Bird Box by Josh Malerman
Misfit Manifesto by Lydia Yuknavitch
Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Hiking with Nietzsche by John Kaag
Dust on the Tracks by Nora Zeale Hurston

Tried preparing for a possible Appalachian trail hike in 2019, but failed. I did gain knowledge about hiking and camping and my body’s limits.

Started making my own oatmeal concoctions and continue because it is delish.

Bought myself flowers almost every week of the year

Learned that my child had been trying to kill herself in my home, while I was there, because she felt so alone. Since the age of about 6 she had felt like a boy, always seen herself as a boy, wanted to be a boy. In our home we did not provide gender stereotypical toys and clothes. You play with what interests you and you wear what is comfortable. At most I thought she was a tomboy. Around 4 th grade I could tell something had drastically changed, but I didn’t know what. The sparkle from her eyes had died. I kept watch, but there weren’t any real outward signs of what was wrong. School grades stayed high, continued to eat, participated in family activity...but something was off.  When I fell in love with my ex I became less aware of these differences and I own that as a mother. I should have dug deeper. February of this year I learned that not only had my darling daughter wanted to kill herself, but also wanted to be my darling son. This was a journey so miraculous and so painful and so life changing. The thought that my child would think I wouldn’t accept them because they wanted to be a boy, that it would be to hard for me to think outside the box, that I would spend one minute less loving him. This year has been about learning who he is. It has been learning about who I really am after a life of being what others want me to be. It has been a year of building my home and deciding exactly what sort of friends and family I want in it. For 16 years I had a daughter, and now I get to have a son without going through childbirth. Sweet sassy molassy this is great.

From this journey, I started being friends with my ex-husband again. We have known each other
half our lives….since we were 19 years old and now we are 45. For the last decade after the divorce, we didn’t talk much and only at exchanges of our child. But when we thought we had lost him we decided to be on the same page about everything and that meant keeping communication not only up but making it better between all of us. This is hard work. But from this hard work, we found our friendship again which to me had always been the best part of our relationship. It is funny to see how well we know each other in some places and how little in others. I am thankful for this friendship. He knows my life and I don’t have to explain it to make a point.


I did my first weaving project. I did my first applique/beading project.

We went to many concerts:

Red Hot Chili Pipers
Mountain Jam x3 days (Alt-j, Portugal the man, The Record Company, The Felice Brothers, Jenny Lewis, George Clinton and Parliament…..and so much more)
Weezer/Pixies/Wombats
Lake Street Dive


I started reading comic books again and love it.

I made many new kinds of food.

I had so many fun laughs with my kid.

I finished my first every crocheted blanket for my son’s queen size bed

My love of succulents turned into an obsession. I went from 8 to about 50. I took a class on propagating them. I joined an international group about them. I’m a crazy plant lady.

I embraced my CD collection this year and made it grow. I don’t even know with what. But god I love music.

I really got into MBTI thought. I got back into Tarot after not doing it since college.

I went to a beach in the Delaware Bay for the first time and stayed with friends and ended up losing those friends. Life is weird. I learned that I love the bay side of water rather than the ocean side. There is so much life to see in the bay.

I bought my first ever pair of Vans...light and dark blue checkerboard.

I made a cake for my ex-mother in law for her birthday...a 2 layer. I had not made one of those in a decade.

I started playing Disc Golf and got addicted. I didn’t play in the winter as planned, but I still love it.

I began writing a short story collection. I wrote two poetry collections. I thought about my novel for a minute.

I left a job I had for 15 years. I changed hospitals and shifts suddenly and it was the best decision I have made for a career. The work is challenging and rewarding and for the first time ever in my life I feel like I’m touching my patients lives in a positive way.

I painted a bunch of river rocks and left them on Market street to make people smile

Eventually figured out at the end of the year that drinking isn’t really my thing. I still have a drink now and then, but it is out of desire not out of escape or loneliness.

I played on a Music Trivia team and we won!

I collected aphorisms for my daily boosting. These were things that lifted me up and near the end of the year I knew I didn’t need them because I was lifting myself up without them.

I started making scarves for the needy and blankets for end of life comfort. These are part of my service goals at work, but also part of my heart. I am learning that this part of my life is about giving, about making smiles and getting nothing back but the feeling of joy.

I tried doing Inktober again and didn’t make it. I like drawing but not as much as I used to. I did do some fun drawings but realize that is not where my talent lies.

I hand made a Blue’s Clues costume with my son this year in 3 weeks. It was rad.

I got new glasses….horn rimmed glasses. I look dashing.

I ordered Lunarly box for fun. It’s nice to get surprises in the mail.

I learned my uncle Mike will probably die within the year from a glio. So damn sad.

I started making the coffee shop my haunt rather than the bars and I have met so many people. I feel more part of the community than before.

I got to experience the joy of my friend having her first baby after many years of trying. He’s so damn cute. I love his little face.

I went on my first ever wine tour with people from my new job. I played paintball for the first time ever in my life.

I put my christmas tree on the porch this year so it is the first and last thing we see when we come and go from the house.

We saw The Sound of Music live. Squeeee

I bought a ukelele and started playing….and then stopped.

I helped my son get his first ever job. Yay.

We did a reduced Christmas this year and it was the best one we ever had.

I got my hair dyed for the first time in 20 years by my best girlfriend’s daughter.

I have been purging the house of all things not of value. It is still going on but this house will be whole soon enough.

I started getting acupuncture again with great result.

I got my first every bonus from a job $850 take home.

I wrote my first every proposal to get a conference paid for to a Transgender wellness conference in Philadelphia.

I'm looking forward to bigger and better things this year. As always I do have good intentions of keeping up with this blog. I'm going to shoot for once a month since live is so much busier than it ever was. So here I am sliding in on the end of January. Have a blessed life. Keep your eyes open and your heart bright.

Thanks for reading.
Aleathia

I Am A Mother of a Teenage Daughter...and I Love It.

Aleathia says:

Holy Hannah!  It has been over a month since I posted, but not without great reason.  Life has been happening people, lots and lots of life.  I have been taking online courses to further my education at work.  They aren't official classes in the sense I get credit for them, but what does that matter anyway if I learn and retain the knowledge?  Does it only count if I have a piece of paper?  Wouldn't it count more if I could actually use the knowledge at work and share it with others?

I am still running, or what I call running, despite a few muscle strains.  I run when I tell myself I can't.  I run when I want to and when I need to.  I don't go more than 2 miles most of the time, but each time I run more of that 2 miles is running rather than walking which I find to be an accomplishment.

We have been having dog problems of the worst kind.  Diarrhea in the house...repeatedly, which leads to anger which leads to the ugliest part of me pushing to the surface.  It really has showed me how easy it is to lose my compassion in the face of samsara.  I can hear myself yelling over things the dog cannot control.  I feel myself have guilt, but still not shut my mouth.  I had to go running the one day to think about things.  Marshall was abandoned and then imprisoned and we saved him.  It took him a long time to really trust that we were going to keep him.  It took a long time to show the physical extent of his separation anxiety which in the beginning was howling and a bit of pacing.  It is now full on loss of bodily functions.  Part of me wanted to take the easy road and take him back to the pound.  The other part of me understands what it is like to be abandoned and yelled at all the time for things you don't understand.  All he knows is that we are his pack and he is lonely when we aren't here.  I get that.  I am lonely when my family isn't around either.  So, we (more me) have come up with a plan: more activity, probiotics, and less vocalization one way or the other about good and bad. Bad attention is still attention as far as he is concerned.  It has been a journey...a messy, stinky journey.

I have been filling my life with work and sewing and reading and crafts.  It seems like there is not enough time in the day to squeeze all this life in.  In addition to that I am still trying to be a great girlfriend and a great mom.  I'm trying to not burn out at work, but feeling less successful at that then all the rest.  I have been doing the same thing for the last 8 years with the only change being it is getting busier and more stressful.  People are leaving and moving on.  I just don't want to get bitter in my job.  I love what I do, it is just overwhelming most of the time.

Which brings me to the topic of conversation....teenage daughter.  I have to tell you that through all the years I have heard mothers bitch about teenagers and how horrible it is to parent them.  I tried my best when I was a teenager to be good.  I am sure I added a few gray hairs to my mother's head, but for the most part I was good.  I worked, got good grades, didn't drink or do drugs, was involved in plays and choirs and sports, and I did volunteer work.  I had a messy room, but I did chores and at one point was a caregiver to my infirmed mother at the age of 14 when no one else would help.  In essence, I didn't have time to be a teenager.  I went from kid to adult, but it suited me for the most part.  I was always older and quieter in my heart.

I have spent all of Chloe's life trying to raise her with respect, honesty, kindness, and individuality. These were things not given to me as a child.  I was given fear, authority, loneliness, and a be like everyone else attitude.  I never had a voice or an opinion.  Chloe is different from the other kids at school.  She knows she is and in the beginning I thought she may have had a social disorder.  She had all the signs on paper, but in the end it was a case of late blooming.  She is turning into this wonderful young lady who is respectful, kind, smart, funny, and sometimes eager to move on to bigger and better things.  Michael has been a great influence on the shaping of my little girl.  He was and always will be the "cool kid" that I never was and has such a way of presenting the world that makes Chloe take notice.  She looks up to him and I love that.

I love this time in her life where she is blooming and growing and discovering what it is she wants out of life when she leaves here.  In history class, she has to pick current event topics and the things she chooses makes me proud...makes me know that she is listening when we have our dinner talks about what is going on in the world.  Most of all I am happy that she loves talking to me and sharing her world with me honestly and openly.  She gives me the opportunity to share my life experiences with her in a way that might influence how she makes decisions for her own future.  I have always been brutally honest with her and in my heart I feel like she respects me for that.

In a time when so many of my friends are having horror stories to share about their teenagers, I feel lucky and blessed and so happy that I made the choices I did when she was younger.  It is always a risk.  You never know if how your captain the ship will end in stormy weather or not.  I hope we stay the course and keep moving forward in positive ways.  Life isn't perfect and she makes mistakes, but I always tell her that it is the mistakes we make that give us the best opportunity to learn if we have the courage to look at it that way.  We are not perfect.  That is such an unattainable idea, but we do have in us the ability to give the best we can do right now.  Life is an ever changing journey.  There is a rotation between ups and downs and we have to not get too lost in either of them so that we see the wonder there is in both.

Quills and Frills - 11/1/2014 - A poem

Ally says:

Dog Eared

Impatient in both life and death

I dog ear the books.

As a collector of bookmarks

this drives my husband nuts.

The library books are one thing, he says

making allowances

but not ours.

Yet I find I’m always grabbing

the poetry books off the shelf and forgetting

a bookmark and beside

these sleek slender volumes

can barely hold their own words

let alone a whole bookmark.

So I dog ear,

the little bent corners

of the pages.

Sometimes nothing for whole chunks.

Sometimes one every other poem

after a quick read between subway transfers,

the corners flapping

like flags marking depots

across the dry cold waste of undiscovered land.

I wonder if later

when I’m gone

he’ll find these creases

in the books we shared

the corners still creased

rising now

my long distance death defying reminder

like a star winking at him

all the way from the past,

a message over time

a little salute and a hello

from the darkest corner of space.