Kidnapper's Art Book, SoundCloud, and Charles Strong

Aleathia says:

Hello fair friends!  Today's art book was a long one for me. I usually have them done in fairly quick order, but I ended up spending almost 2 hours on this one. I feel like it is getting back to the style I was deep into before with several layers and more mixed media with markers, paint, and rubber stamping which lends it to be more original than simple collage. It is interesting to see the progression over the last few months and how distinctly each page depicts my day.

Kidnapper's Art Book. 7-11-2017. Impossible Deepest Night

Today's SF MOMA artist is Charles Strong who was an abstract expressionist who recently passed away. In the art generator I asked for "green" and they sent me a painting by him called "Hemlock".

Charles Strong, Hemlock, 1962

Enjoy your daily art bits. Learn something new whenever you can.

I am currently enjoying playing around with recording stories and poems that I have written. I am not sure how far it will go, but you can find me at Sound Cloud under Aleathia Drehmer.

Yay.

Aleathia

Kidnapper's Art Book and Gabriel Orozco

Aleathia:

Oh yeah, I have been doing something called the Kidnapper's Art Book since the end of May which has been helping me through my recent transition from being coupled to single but more importantly it has lead me back to something I love so much....collage. This is a daily project and I will start posting them here along with a new found artist (new to me).

Kidnapper's Art Book 7-10-2017 "Handled Properly" by Aleathia Drehmer

A FB friend of mine so kindly posted a cool thing that you can do through SF MOMA by sending them a text to 57251 with the words "send me___________" and you fill in the blank. It can be any reference, color, word, etc and they will pull you a painting generated by the request from their collection of over over 32,000 pieces.

I put in "collage" and they sent me Gabriel Orozco who not only does collage, but a wide variety of painting, photography, sculpture, and installation art which you can see some pieces at the SF MOMA site.  This is what they sent me:

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Aleathia says:

It's been 5 months since I posted to this blog and that seems to be the fate of blogs in general, doesn't it? Daily maintenance is difficult and ambitious for even the most fastidious person. So much has happened in my life in this time both good and bad.

This post is a little recap and then I am moving forward. In the past I would have shut this blog down and started a new one to signify big changes or a "new" life, but I see no need to burn the bridge. My hope for this blog is that someday all the folks that wanted to be a part of it will somehow find time to contribute or that new folks will inquire to do participate. Though we all experience this journey of life in different contexts and pull from it different meaning, we can't deny that we are on the journey together.

The recap:

April sucked.  Seriously sucked. I lost my grandmother suddenly, though she was 84, but previously in decent health. My boyfriend/best friend cheated on my just shy of our 6 year anniversary and the week he moved out, I had to put my dog down. My kid was diagnosed with Lupus. Did I mention April sucked?

I'm not going to draw out the details of this embittered break up because in the end it was the best thing that could have happened to us. It was painful and I worked very hard to not fall into a deep and encompassing depression that I had already spent 3 long years in. This betrayal came on the same day that I felt like I "woke up" from the long, aforementioned depression. I realized that I had been isolating myself from everyone after my mother's death. I had tried counseling and the woman I saw checked her watch the entire session and then asked "do you think you need to see me again?" She never probed for more information or gave me any suggestions and I fear this is because I am smart and articulate and therefore it is assumed that I will just figure it out. If anyone knows me well, they know it is very difficult for me to reach out and ask for help. This woman was a disgrace to therapy.

I have to give props to my friends who held me together in so many ways. To Vicki, Annette, and Stephanie for being my village when I never thought I was part of one; when I never thought I could love a group of women as much as I love them. They made sure I didn't fall down the dark well, they let me cry, they let me propose poor decisions, they fed me, they made me get out of the house and smell fresh air.  Most of all, they stood like pillars as I cycled through poor choices (hold my beer emotional moments) knowing that in the end I would arrive at the right decision. You ladies are the rock I anchor my boat to. I love you.

To Brian and Michelle who I should pay large sums of money because they were my therapists for the last few months giving me the male and female perspectives on life and keeping me to my moral convictions. They were there for me at any moment of the day and their love and advice has been key to my mental, emotional, and physical survival. I owe them a sincere debt of gratitude and lots of hugs. I have a real therapist now so they are off the hook.

The fallout of my life has shown me some wonderful things. I realized that I had not really started living in my house since my mother died a month after I bought it. It was filled with stuff, but it wasn't lived in like I cared to be here. The transformation has begun...art is going up, curtains being made, and the stamp of my personality starting to shine through. I learned that I love living alone and that I am more than capable of doing it. I have been given a new opportunity to rediscover my art, Buddhism, yoga, cooking, and travel. It isn't to say that my relationship kept me from these things, but I have found that when I am in a relationship I give up all the best parts of me...probably the parts they fall in love with and eventually it all goes sideways. I am not getting in another relationship until I understand why I do this to myself over and over again. I have done it for 26 years. There is a lesson I'm not learning.

I want to thank my darling daughter Chloe for suffering the task of watching me pace the house in anxiety and crying my face off in depression. Your shoulder was always there and I hated to use it because this burden wasn't yours to carry, but your love has given me strength to move along this road to find solutions and better times.

Ok, enough of this mushy shit.  We all have better things to do with our life, right?  On the forefront will be art and book reviews (I'm reading again), spiritual discovery, and any manner of creativity I can get my hands into. If you are reading this, thanks for sticking with my inconsistent and wholly depressing life for the last 3 years. You all get a merit badge, a hug, and a kiss.

Aleathia

Yoga Progress

Aleathia says:

I won't bore you with yoga faces. If you want to see them they are on Instagram. I do however want to say that keeping with this program every day, no matter how hard it might be for me personally and physically, has been fruitful. I feel taller and leaner and more focused. My back has not felt this great in years and I feel more present in each day. The affirmations with each practice seem to be in line with what I need each day to build myself back up after the last  few years. All of this unchecked grief, anger, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, and isolation have done a number on me and I am sure altered my relationships with the people I love the most. None of it has been their fault. I have been disconnected from just about everything and hide in my sewing room making things and watching Netflix instead of being social. I am working on it.



I suggest trying Yoga with Adriene and doing Yoga Camp. The sessions are anywhere from 17-54 minutes depending on the affirmation of the day. It will do you good, trust me. It isn't as hard to find the time as you might think. Once you get to the mat, it is all gravy after that. The best part is she is the funniest yoga instructor I have ever encountered. She wants you to listen to your body and do what feels good. That is the amazing part. She gives you options for whatever stage of yoga you are at so that everyone can be included.

After 8 days I have lost 4 pounds and my clothes are fitting better. I can't argue with that.

Aleathia

Yoga Camp Day 2 and Day 3

Aleathia says:

I'm pretty excited that I have made it three consecutive days to the mat. I am usually pretty gung ho about starting things and not so great about finishing. I have a bit the complacent/lazy gene if things don't seem to be moving along as I would like. I have enlisted the help of my friend Annette who is going on this journey with me. Sometimes things are better with buddies.

Yoga Day 2 had the affirmation of "I Create" and in good fashion the instructor left it up to each student to decide what exactly they wanted to create for themselves at that moment, in that practice. I decided that I needed to create space. All of my muscles are bunched together and I have felt really buried and closed in lately. Thinking about wide open space was the right choice. 

This practice was a longer one lasting about an hour. It was full of forward bends and side twists and activating abdominal muscles. When a person is grossly overweight in the abdominal area and has had rheumatoid arthritis since 16, doing forward bends is akin to having your spin ripped out and putting your abdominal rolls in a vice. It made me very sweaty and I felt emotionally challenged that I had let myself go this long. I discovered muscles I forgot I had and ones that I wished had remained anonymous. But when I was done I was warm and felt taller and accomplished.

Yoga Camp Day 3 put forth the affirmation of "I Embrace". Thinking about all the unrest that is happening at work and how painful it is to go there most nights because of clashing personalities, I decided to embrace loving-kindness.  The idea of loving-kindness is very prevalent in Buddhism and it is something I try to work on all the time. I don't always succeed, but I do try to bring it to each day. I don't believe I have ever thought about embracing loving-kindness while doing a yoga practice and being present with that idea that I will not only embrace it for other people but embrace it for myself. I am often my own worst enemy in this life.

After three days of yoga and affirmations, I have found that I feel lighter in spirit. My muscles feel longer and the subtle soreness in the core and shoulders linger to give a gentle reminder of what I am out to achieve. I know I haven't lost any weight, but I feel skinnier. Sometimes lifting that barrier in the mind is more powerful that we can understand while it is happening. I am not sure what I will feel like at the end of this journey, but for now, I feel great.

Thanks Annette for going on this journey with me even though we are practicing in different places at different times. I keep your friendship with me as I'm moving through poses I think I can't do.

Aleathia

Today I Start the Journey of Me

Aleathia says:

It sounds cliche, right? The Journey of Me. I'm so important. Pffft. This has been the problem my whole life is that I have never felt important at all. I have felt as if my contribution to the world was invisible to everyone but me. And then, if I felt I had done something important noticing it and giving myself credit brought on a cycle of guilt.

How does one get to this place in life? I surely didn't ask to be here and most of the people I surround myself with in present time do not perpetuate this behavior. The line "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" comes to mind. That is my first thought of myself. Old dog. I know my early environment was rocky living all over the country, never setting roots, having parents who drank too much or partied too much. It makes a kid grow up early and forget how beautiful the freedom of loving yourself can feel.

It was a long work night last night and I have not physically felt well. Drained, tired, apathetic, bloated, overweight, and unsure of the future. It is the recipe of stress. I woke this afternoon feeling like I wanted to cry. Do I really have to get up? I got up to an empty house and felt more alone than ever. February is the longest month when you feel like this. I went to the sewing room with plans of getting a few hours of sewing in before work. I fixed a few items that were already purchased, but then the sewing machine stopped talking to me. I just sat there staring at it.

On my phone was playing a strange video string that I picked up on Reddit of some Australian guy with dating tips. I thought about what a racket it was because this dude was hot and what chick wouldn't want to go to a several hour seminar and stare at a hot guy telling them how to pick up hot guys? Come on ladies. But I am a sucker for an accent and watched a few minutes. The baseline of some of the things he said was true, but it still felt like a ruse. This strangely lead into looking up yoga videos. This is how my mind works folks. Hang on.

I love yoga. I don't do it enough and it is as if I am denying myself the physical pleasure of truly relaxing and letting go. It is as if I just can't stand the thought of feeling good in my own body. The more fat you have the more insulated you are to take insults or pain or stress or tragedy. The thicker you are the least amount of people can get to you; they build an aversion to you. I sit here writing this and think that is the saddest thing I have ever said about myself. So, I looked for a yoga video...something short and not too shaming.

Day One of Yoga Camp with Adriene. Such a cute, tiny little lady and I was prepared to feel a bit too fat and a bit to ugly, but this lady was lovely. She asked me to trust her. What? I don't know you, I thought. She said today you are going to accept where your body is right now, at this moment. Yeah, fat and stiff and old. Trust me she said. Close your eyes. But, I'm watching your video. Close your eyes and breathe. Remember to let go of all the things holding your body in places it doesn't want to be. Breathe. Trust me. Accept where you are right now and know that you deserve to be there.

30 minutes later I am lying on the floor in savasana smiling....feeling beautiful, feeling happy I trusted this skinny girl with the big heart and the creaky wooden floor beneath her. I realized in that moment that I am so full of judgement not just about other people but about myself. It is so easy to do and so hard to take back. Today, I start the journey of me. Who is Aleathia? What does she stand for? Will she love herself more at the end of each day? I sure hope so.

Aleathia

Celebrating in Non Traditional Ways

Aleathia says:

This year, as a family, we decided to not celebrate the over-commercialized holiday of Christmas. I have been a Buddhist since 1997 and technically it isn't a holiday I need to observe but I have for the last 14 years with my daughter because that was the normal thing to do. She stopped believing in Santa a few years ago and the magic was gone for me. There was no surprise on Christmas morning, no sparkle of elation and wonder. It was just a lot of money wrapped in pretty paper. Chloe doesn't go to church, Michael doesn't go to church. Everyone in our house is free to choose what and who they want to believe in and if no one believes in Santa, then we are celebrating a religious holiday that none of us are party to. Religion was not the driving force behind our lack of celebrating Christmas this year, it was charity.

We have come to a place in our lives where we are comfortable. We have all the things that we want...more than we need. If we need something, we buy it through the year. In our house we use dinner time as a place to have in depth conversations about the world, where we see ourselves in it, where we want to be, our hopes and fears and dreams, and the kind of people we aspire to be. Michael and I both grew up poor. We hardly ever had new things and if we did they were cherished. Chloe has never been poor, but she is the most thoughtful and frugal teenager I have ever met. She worries about the burden of cost of things bought for her and is over-appreciative when something nice is done for her. This is they kind of child I have raised. I feel like I have done a good job.

Around Thanksgiving we decided this year we would buy a family gift for us to share. We got a second Xbox so we could play games together since that is the way games are designed today. We got another headset so we could talk and a few games. It was a several thousand dollar reduction from the year before. Michael and I got newer cars...reliable transportation. Chloe is going to Hawaii with school in the spring. We decided that this was Christmas enough for all of us. But we also decided that we needed to start thinking about how we could give back to the community and the world.

Chloe and I walked the Selfless Elf this year together. Our registration fees together went towards feeding 180 people in our community. Think about that. We walked 3 miles and fed nearly 200 people. That was a really nice feeling when we crossed the finish line together. We are going to walk this race every year together when we can.

The other charitable venture we are on is using all the crafts I make to sell for donations to the charities we have chosen this year. We are calling the venture Nothing Wasted and you can visit this page often to find out all the goodies I am making. So far this year we have raised $140 from the sales. We are also using all the money from our bottle returns at home and work to add to this fund and we have raised over $25 so far. All of this in one month.

I will say this Christmas season weighed heavy on me as I looked at all the beautiful photos of Christmas trees and family gatherings. I felt a bit of sadness and jealousy, but I didn't let it consume me.  My life has been non-traditional since I left home so many years ago. We build a new life everyday and though others have thought our new holiday tradition is strange, it feels good to all of us to know we are making a difference and opening our hearts.

Visit our charity page if you like. I hope to have some new items up in January. I sold the December items as fast as I made them so I didn't post anything. Thank you for reading and we hope your holidays have been filled with love and family.

Aleathia