Yesterday the sun was shining and it was actually warm enough where I didn't have to wear a coat, hat and scarf. It has been a damn long winter and any flash of light is pretty pleasing.
I picked up my kid from her Robotics Club after school and she was abuzz about how they learned to program the dance moves that the robot would do and how they had picked a portion of the 1812 Overture as well as some new music from Imagine Dragons to splice together. Next week they will learn how to program their dance moves together to sync up with the music and make that robot get funky.
We laughed together as we were both clacking....me from espresso and her from sugar. We had a full on squirrel moment and couldn't stop laughing. I have to say all those people who said that having a teenager would suck, lied. Maybe they just can't remember what it was like to be a teenager. That, my friends, is sad.
When I went to the local coffee shop to get my espresso I saw several of Chloe's classmates there. They were in a gaggle which is typical for teenage girls and all had their smart phones and Vera Bradley bags and trendy clothes. For a minute my heart sort of sunk. I had a huge amount of doubt about what kind of life my daughter was leading. She didn't have friends like this. She doesn't go to coffee shops and talk about boys or clothes or shoes. In some way I felt like a parenting failure because she seems so outside the box.
That changed when I picked her up from Robotics. That changed when she asked me to go for a walk with her and we talked about real life and dreams and our plans for a fun summer. Half way through the walk I told her about what I had seen at the coffee shop (leaving out the doubt and guilt part) and she stopped me in my tracks. She told me that she felt I was a really cool mom even though I had to punish her sometimes and make rules. She said at least she knows that I support her in her own identity and style and that I am nice to her and listen to what she has to say.
I really had to keep myself from crying. It is a rare moment that a mother gets a validation like this with no strings attached. She didn't want anything from me except my company on a fine spring day.
I love that all these years of talking to her like a human being instead of a little kid has paid off. She is growing up into a wonderful, very outside the box, young lady. She is kind and artistic and funny. She is sensitive, but also learning to thicken up her skin so she doesn't get hurt by the evil that lingers in middle school and high school.
I thanked her for being patient with me as I learn to let go of control of everything and deal with her need for independence and freedom. She knows it is the hardest thing in the world for me to do and she could have rebelled and cut me to the quick with meanness and hatred, but instead, she waited until I was ready to deal with it in my own time. It feels really good to be a mother and to see that all the long, hard years spent expressing morals and values have rooted to make a great base for my child as she moves forward in the world.
Cherish the great days as well as the hard days. There are lessons in each of them and joys within the sorrows if you look at them right.
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